Yoshida to be dropped in favour of Nolan Bryant from Sepang, Shake n Bake embroiled in contractual dispute with Samantha Kingz

After a tumultuous 2016 season, Itsuki Yoshida will be dropped in favour of FF2M front runner, Nolan Bryant, with effect from the Malaysian GP. The news was leaked onto social media by a disgruntled member of Samantha Kingz’s marketing department, Taki Noshytt, who felt the mid season driver switch was in contravention of the contractual agreement signed by the team at the start of the season. Yoshida’s appointment, whilst alleged awarded on a meritocratic basis (as mysteriously overemphasised by Shake n Bakes team boss Courtney “Career-Ender” Cass) lead to the 2 cars running sponsorship from the Japanese clothing manufacturer, which is expected to continue until the end of the season.

“Its advertising for them that satisfies the contract, and if I’m honest, I can’t really be bothered taking the stickers off…” said Cass, in a press conference to address the online leak.

The press conference started in a theatrical manner, in which a dimly lit, empty stage was unveiled to the press, before team chairman Fredro Fwibbib (widely adored internet “giga-edgelord” and winner of the “Piers Morgan Badass of the Year Award 2016”) emerged from the gloom decked out head to toe in Samantha Kingz clothing. Suddenly, the press were startled by a thunderous crack of fireworks, as the stage sharply lit up. In perfect synchrony, Fwibbib ripped off his clothing to reveal a leather jacket and jockstrap underneath. The leather jacket was that of double IndyCar champion Jackie Bryant (father of Nolan Bryant), and the jockstrap (the Lovehoney manufactured “Male Power Sheer Mini Hose Jack Strap”, which is currently reduced from £16.99 to £13.59) was adorned with the writing “Nolan to drive from Malaysia ’16”.

The contractual dispute is expected to rumble on in the background long into the future. But as for the near future, many in the paddock are eager to see how Bryant fairs against the outbound Sebastian Vettel.