Vettel to spend fifth season at Shake n Bake

It was confirmed today the Shake n Bake will be retaining the services of Sebastian Vettel for the 2015 ff1m season.

The German, who is in contention for the 2014 title, has reportedly been able to use his recent form to negotiate a very lucrative new deal. Whilst the value of the deal is currently unconfirmed, it is believed to have been more of a financial hit for the Yorkshire based team than they were anticipating. So much so, it was reported that team Chairman, Fredro Fwibbib, was spotted down in West Yorkshire’s red light district on New Years eve donning fishnet stockings, high heels, and very short skirt. However, it is unclear as to whether this was a fundraising effort,
or part of promotional event with team sponsors LoveHoney.

Also witnessed on the scene was the Shake n Bake team’s second driver, Daniel Ricciardo, who was reportedly down on all fours, being led by Fwibbib by dog chain and collar through the streets of Holbeck. Some reports even state that Daniel was wearing a gimp suit, although this is unconfirmed.

This alleged sighting sparked fresh debates over the treatment of Shake n Bake’s second drivers, with Maldonado being given rather scathing public criticism by his team boss last year, and the mysterious disappearance of former driver Gianmaria Bruni following assault by Liam Neeson (who was found guilty of this offence, and was sentenced to 69 hours of community service and the filming of “Taken 2”).

When asked about the relationship with his Team, specifically after the 2 Shake n Bake drivers came together at Road America, Ricciardo (who’s future has not yet been confirmed) had this to say:
“Crikey mate, it was a bit iffy straight after the race…but after we’d thrown a few shrimps on the barbie and talked it out over a few stubbies, it was all fair dinkum mate. A lot of people are saying that its hard yakka working with this team when your name’s not Sebastian, like being kicked out of a Ute in the middle of the Outback, and left there for the Dingos to eat your babies. But in actual fact, it’s no wucka’s.”

Sebastien Vettel was unavailable for comment over his contract extension, as he was believed to be busy on his yacht in Monaco, drinking champagne and throwing rolled up £50 notes at passersby.