Shake n Bake Promote Bryant to Race Seat for 2017

After an impressive season in FF2M, Nolan Bryant will be promoted to a race seat with Shake N Bake’s main outfit from next season. This was confirmed by a spokes-animal for the team by the twitter-handle @Randytherabidrabbit69, on behalf of disgraced team boss, Fredro Fwibbib. Later that afternoon, Fwibbib
did indeed hold a press conference, making his first public appearance since the controversial “Sloppy Macaroni” incident saw him banned from all his social media accounts once again.

Fwibbib stated “I have been told that there’s a guy in our feeder team that doing really well… apparently there’s some other series called FF2, or something like that? Anyway, our dude Broland Nyant is right up near the top somewhere, and here at Shake and Bake, we are passionate about nurturing racing talent, allowing exciting young drivers to perform at the highest level, AND in equal machinery to our more established drivers. As a result, I can confirm that Nyant will be driving the number 2 car in FF1M next season”

With Vettel being expected to take the remaining slot, many are worried for the future of Itsu Yoshida, given the team’s shady history with its 2nd drivers.

However, the usual 1 year contract extension for Vettel has not been announced yet, which is causing some speculation in the paddock as to if the German is unhappy with either the car’s current performance, the team boss, or both.

Channel 3.7’s Steve Moanes put these question to the team boss in his typical, pseudo-informal and grating style, prompting the following response from Fwibbib:
“Listen here, you insufferable ****wipe… please can you just **** off out of my press conference? Seriously, how do you still have this job…. You’re so ****ing annoying, but not even in a fun way. You think you’re some controversial-butcharismatic bad-lad, but really, you’re just an irritating sod…”

Fwibbib went on like this for some time, before eventually regaining some semblance of his composure and returning to the original question “But yes, the relationship between Seb and the team is fine… you can tell I’m very relaxed about the whole situation.”

Fwibbib continued:
“With regards to Itsu Yoshida… *takes a piece of paper out of his back pocket, unfolds it and begins reading* …we are committed to continuing our partnership with Yoshida, and really value to work he’s been doing so far. We look forward to continuing to work together with him for many more …ahahahahaha… I’m sorry, I can’t do this with a straight face”

When asked for comment on the Macaroni-gate, Fwibbib had the following to say:
“You guys have cancelled me so many times at this point. I keep making the same mistake over and over again… so right now, I’m here to own up to things once and for all…”

The media prepared for the upcoming grovelling apology with bated breath, their ears ringing with the sound of a million upcoming rage-clicks on their poorly written articles. However, Fwibbib’s statement took a rather strange turn:
“The mistake I keep making is that I keep apologising. Seriously… I’m a millionaire, playboy, footballer and rockstar who owns a Racing Team, I couldn’t give a toss what you all think of me. If I do apologise, the internet won’t accept it and the hate will keep piling on, but if I keep quiet everyone will forget about
it in a week or so, so why should I even bother trying to become a better person and holding myself accountable?”

“That’s why I’m friends with the Furries again… I admit it, I truly think they’re absolute freaks, but they’ve learnt to respect my honesty, because I respect their honesty to live their lives in such a crazy way without caring what other people think. So sod the lot of you, imma make like my filthy furry friends and
go ‘play in the mud’…see ya”

Fwibbib then stormed off stage to confused silence, and on the way out received an enthusiastic fist bump from the mucky paws of @Randytherabidrabbit69