February 10, 2025

FF1M

Fantasy Formula 1 Management

Shake n Bake unveil tribute livery for North American leg

Shake n Bake will race in a special, Pennzoil-themed livery for the upcoming North American leg of the 2017 ff1m season.

The livery was unveiled during a pre-race shakedown at Barcelona this morning, with controversial team chairman Fredro Fwibbib leading a press briefing during the event, and home hero Nolan Bryant also in attendance. The latter entered the stage clearly anxious, wearing very kingly attire, complete with regal robes and a crown that was adorned with the wording “King of the Yanks”. Upon further inspection, his cape also featured adverts for thematically appropriate products sold by team sponsor Love Honey, such as the “Hot Octopuss Pulse Queen” and Pasante’s King-sized Condoms.

Accompanying Nolan’s entrance to the stage was a royal musical fanfare, but with part of the horn section replaced by a rifle battalion, at the request of Fwibbib. When questioned about this decision after the event, he defended its inclusion, stating that he “wanted to give the event a more authentic, American feel”. The musical ensemble struck out into a vibrant song upon Bryant’s introduction, at which point the “musicians” in the AK-47 section of the orchestra fired several hundred rounds into the air, drowning out the sound of the other instruments.

Unfortunately, 12 pigeons were understood to have perished at the event, earning Fwibbib the ire of yet another conservation group. This didn’t seem to affect the ebullient chairman however with spirits in the Shake and Bake camp understandably high on the back of Fernando Alonso’s dramatic win at the Monaco grand prix. However, Fwibbib was in no mood to be complacent…

“Whilst the future looks bright for the ASS-17, at the moment we still aren’t fully content with our consistency and reliability” said Fwibbib. “As a result, we’ve undertaken an intense piece of mid season development to improve in these areas, and at this conference we will unveil to you the fruits of
our labour”

Expecting an exciting new aerodynamic innovation or revised bodywork, the press were somewhat confused when the car that was unveiled, as it was completely identical to the previous model, except for a striking new yellow livery. “As we all know, if a car looks good, it will be fast! And we expect this amazing paint job will give us at least a tenth of a second per lap.”

“We also thought about adding a go-faster stripe too…but we wanted to give the other guys a chance of keeping up down the straights” He continued.

“This livery is also a homage to other Pennzoil sponsored cars over the years, such as the epic 1999 Nismo GT-R, which I used to hide pictures of inside my Playboy magazines.” At this point Fwibbib seemed to lose himself in a daydream, like a old man remembering his first love. He was like this for several minutes before receiving a swift jab in the ribs by Bryant.

“Ahem, Given that Pennzoil are the 2nd largest global exporter of lubricant to sponsor this team, we also wanted to mark the occasion of being in North America with this temporary new look.”

Will the Yorkshire team follow up their success in Monaco with more strong showings in North America? Only time will tell.

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