July 19, 2024


Fantasy Formula 1 Management

Shake n Bake confirm unchanged lineup for 2016

Following the announcement that GRM and Exolite were acquiring power units from Shake n Bake’s
engine partner, the recently restructured “Megatron Ultra-Nonperishable Technology & Engine
Resources”, team Chairman Fredro Fwibbib called a press conference, which confirmed some further
team news.

“Firstly, I would like to welcome GRM and Exolite to the Megatron family. Whilst our engines are
powerful, there’s no doubt we’ve had our fair share of failures so far this year, and as a result, during
our upcoming development cycle we will be putting an emphasis on developing the
engine’s…RELIABILITY!?…oh for god’s sake, I’m not reading from that autocue any more…”

Moving on to the driver lineup for next season, Fwibbib made the following comments: “We’ve always
made our team’s philosophy regarding drivers very clear. We are fully committed to having the best
driver in FF1M driving for us, as well as some other guy. As a result, we would like to confirm that we
have retained the services of Sebastian Vettel and Itsu Yoshida for 2016. Everyone knows that we have a
great relationship with Seb, but we would also like to say just how impressed we have been with Itsu
this year…we really didn’t expect this level of performance when we signed him as a placeholder for
Kobaya… I mean…when we signed him with a view to help him develop long term”

After boycotting questions from all newspapers (since according to Fwibbib “they’re all crap nowdays
and nobody cares what they have to say”), the Shake n Bake chairman then launched into a bit of
promotional work for the team’s sponsors:
“With Valentine’s day approaching, we also wanted to bring attention to some of the deals our partners
Lovehoney are having, including 40% of their ‘Mega Mighty 3 Extra Inches Penis extender with Ball Loop’
for only £14.99”. Fwibbib went on to provide an engaging 15 minute presentation on this product,
complete with a slideshow containing various gratuitous diagrams, and a personal endorsement based
on his own experiences with the product.

Following this, questions were asked of the Shake n Bake team’s relationship with the furry community
after the chairman’s “controversial” comments last year. Fwibbib provided the following clarification:
“I can only apologise for my previous comments – I have engaged with various members of the furry
community who have opened my eyes to the ways of the whimsical wonder-wolves and brilliant
bulbous-bears. However, a few words and a little bit of puppy-play with these individuals was not
enough to make amends, so we decided as a team to take some a-fur-mative action. We have employed
half a dozen members from the furry community to work as bodyguards for our drivers and key staff.
Ever since the Liam Neeson incident we realised we needed to remain vigilant in this area.”

Fwibbib was also questioned about CCTV footage that emerged from the Exolite Development Centre,
dated 11pm on the night before their engine deal with M.U.N.T.E.R was signed. This footage seemed to
show 6 individuals in furry suits (which matched the suits of the aforementioned bodyguards) entering
the compound via a broken window, and leaving out the main doors 3 hours later. The assailants were
all brandishing unknown weapons – the CCTV footage was not very high quality so it was difficult to
make out what these implements were, but they were believed to be police truncheons based on their
long, blunt nature. Fwibbib declined to comment on this, beyond the clarification that “those things
weren’t truncheons…”